Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
