the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
