My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
