dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
