Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
