remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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