So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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