No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
