I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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