i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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