My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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