You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
