just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
