She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
