He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Fuck appropriateness.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
