Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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