I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
