i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
