i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
