One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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