at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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