Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
