If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
