She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
