My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
