I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
