just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
