when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
