I need to stop coming to work sober
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
