I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
