i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Can I color on your dick again?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
