u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
