party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
