no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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