The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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