in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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