Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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