he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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