i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
