I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
