If that was your dad, he is hot
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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