The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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