the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
