duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
