I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
