something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
