If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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