what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So gin and wine won't be happening again
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
