Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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