oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
