May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
