Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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