why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Randomize
